As a leader in this ever-changing, post-COVID world, you may find the need to apologize for hardships and workplace stress — even if you handled things during the pandemic the very best you could.
That willingness to say ‘I’m sorry,’ is one of the most advanced leadership competencies. Apologizing takes a lot of courage especially when we believe we are less than 50% in the wrong.
Here are some helpful tips to consider when apologizing.
What To Do:
• Consider the other person’s needs and personality.
• Prepare well—make it the right “dosage”—not too long or short.
• Communicate regret, responsibility, possibly a remedy, and how your behavior will change in the future.
• Give up the idea of being “right.”
• Use “I” statements and start with “I’m sorry for…” or “I’m sorry for my part …”
• Write your apology down, if you like and, with the person’s permission, read it aloud.
• Ask if it is a good time to apologize. Make sure you both have enough time to have a complete conversation.
• Offer it in person (in a private and quiet setting) or on the phone if it can’t be done in person. If it must be in writing, then make it a handwritten card.
• After you have apologized, fully listen to the other person without interruption and perhaps go deeper with the apology if additional unmet needs surface.
• Let the person know that you will reflect on the additional things they have shared.
• Stick to your word.
• Check back with the person in a few days.
What to Avoid:
• Justify your actions.
• Qualify by using the word “but.”
• Say “I’m sorry you took what I said or did that way.”
• Get defensive when the other party is sharing how they were affected.
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Clinical psychologist Harriet Lerner may have put it best, “The courage to apologize and the wisdom and clarity to do so wisely and well, is at the heart of effective leadership.“
