Balancing careers and relationships, particularly for ambitious global business leaders, can be especially challenging.
According to the latest research from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly half of marriages in the U.S. (49.4%) are composed of dual-career couples. That number rises to 64.2% in married couples with children and represents two-thirds of couples in Canada. Meanwhile, dual-earner households are now the norm in the U.K.
Four YPO member couples — each leading businesses independent of their spouses — from the U.S., Brazil, India and Vietnam, recently shared their insights on pursuing their high-intensity careers while thriving as a couple.
Communicating beyond practicalities
While day-to-day communication and collaboration around schedules is cited as critical to manage busy office and family lives, particularly when children are involved, the communication for these couples happens more frequently and at a deeper level — with regular and open discussions around values and self-fulfillment needs.
André and Karin Breitman met outside Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, where their parents used to golf together. They became friends and started dating when Karin was in high school and André in college. Now, married for 30 years, with three kids in college, they divide their time between Rio de Janeiro and Montreal, Canada. During these years, Karin completed her Ph.D. and pursued a career in academia, then at EMC, before becoming Head of Analytics CoE (Center of Excellence) at Rio Tinto in 2017. André is involved with his family’s three-generation book publishing house and is setting up animation studios for children’s animation and movies at 2DLab – Laboratorio de desenhos.
“Between us, we regularly discuss different topics like succession planning, entrepreneurialism and corporate life; a really interesting mix of conversation that helps us share learnings and discuss the foundations of our joint path forward,” says Karin, adding that cultural expectations are also addressed. “There is a big glass ceiling in Latin American, with expectations for women to take care of home first. So, at times there was a lot of pressure to make decisions about whose career takes the front seat, but André’s support through every stage was critical and allowed me to continue to pursue my career.”
André adds, “Communication has always been very important. I know how important Karin’s career is and supported her while we raised three kids, and she has supported my entrepreneurial, creative side. We are very transparent about different issues, with deep conversations that include decisions about money. Communicating and finding common ground was critical from the start.”
Showing empathy and respect
Kelly and John Baudhuin met through a common friend in YPO, began dating in 2013 and wed in November 2017. It was the second marriage for both. John is Chief Executive Officer of Mad Dogg Athletics Inc., the creator of the world’s leading indoor cycling brand, Spinning®. Kelly is CEO at Prince Lionheart, Inc., a baby equipment manufacturing company.
“With five kids in our blended family, including a newborn, and more businesses between us than kids, there is a lot happening in our lives,” says Kelly with a smile.
John adds, “One thing that has worked for us is that we have similar jobs and similar responsibilities. I’m as likely to do calls late at night to Asia and early morning calls to Europe as she is. On the flip side, I also have respect and compassion for what Kelly does at home. It is a nice balance. We both understand what it means to run the business and what it’s like to be home with the kids.”
— Vinati Mutreja, Managing Director of Vinati Organics Ltd. share
Similarly, Vinati Mutreja, Managing Director of Vinati Organics Ltd and Mohit Mutreja, Chairman and Managing Director AlphaGrep Securities Private Limited have found respect a key ingredient in their 13-year marriage. The Indian-based couple started dating when studying at the University of Pennsylvania and married in 2007. Throughout that time, being curious about a partner’s life and work as well as one’s own, has unlocked mutual respect.
“We have grown together professionally and personally. When I joined my father’s company, it was a small company, and it has grown 300 times over. Mohit has been part of that growth. I have also seen his company start from scratch and grow,” says Vinati. “It comes down to mutual respect, accepting each other and understanding the equality of responsibility from the beginning.”
All in the family
For YPO members Henry and Phuong Nguyen, there’s no doubt that family support plays an instrumental role in helping them maintain two challenging careers balanced with a great relationship.
Henry, Chairman of McDonald’s Vietnam and an entrepreneur and investor in technology, media and sports, and Phuong, Chairman of the Board at Viet Capital Securities and other Viet Capital groups of financial services companies, met in Vietnam after Henry moved back from the U.S. in 2001. “It was a very careful and measured courtship for both of us, as she came from a prominent public family (Phuong’s father is Prime Minster of Vietnam), and we both had busy careers and lived in different cities,” says Henry.
“We were both lucky. Although I was raised in the U.S. and Phuong in Vietnam, both our parents raised us with very similar values and understanding of marriage. And unlike the situation for many couples in the U.S., we live in close proximity to our parents and extended family. I see her parents two or three times a week. It is wonderful to have them around and be a strong presence in our lives and our children’s lives.”
He adds that both their parents were a huge support with their now 8-year-old twin daughters when they were born. “We basically moved into my wife’s family’s house when they were born. And both my parents in the final decades of their lives lived with us when spending time in Vietnam.”
Acting as a secure base and sounding board
Each couple unequivocally mentions the key role their partners played for the other’s growth. This support allowed them to expand into other opportunities, even when it meant moving away from their comfort zone. For the Mutrejas, when Mohit decided to set up his own company, Vinati shouldered more responsibility at home. He, in turn, when his business was steady, took lead at home, allowing Vinati to take an extended executive course in the U.S.
Having separate careers has also helped the couple play on each other’s strengths. “We advise each other, all the time. We are each other’s best sounding boards, the first person we go to is one another for key decisions at work,” says Vinati.
Karin and André similarly capitalize on their different expertise and strengths. “I come from a creative-driven business, whereas Karin is in the artificial intelligence (AI) and data analytics business,” says André. “One nice thing, besides getting a fresh perspective, is that we can share friends, coming from very different places. Whenever we have a party, a very different bunch of guests from different worlds comes over.”
— André Breitman, 2DLab – Laboratorio de desenhos share
For John, with his financial background, and Kelly, with her Stanford psychology degree, getting advice for work is a common household practice. John explains, “Kelly is much more intuitive. She can meet my employees and tell me if they will last or not, while it usually takes me six months to figure it out. But if she has financial questions, I am here.”
The support and collaboration extends further with sharing resources and connections when needed. “I have a warehouse in the Netherlands, and when Kelly needed some space for inventory, we made use of the warehouse. She also helps me with her manufacturing company for sourcing.”
Presence and small rituals
While work can be all-consuming and interdependent, the couples reserve time for themselves as a couple, as well as a family. Karin says she and André enjoy the rituals, which “include small daily things like having breakfast, reading The New York Times, or having an espresso in the middle of the afternoon.” She adds that at the end of every year, the family takes a month-long trip to somewhere new.
For Henry and Phuong, coming together during mealtimes, especially mornings, is something that sets a rhythm to the day. “Mealtimes together are the best times. There is something primal about the bonds you form when you break bread together,” says Henry.
Kelly credits her experience as a YPO member and single parent for appreciating the importance of business leaders giving their families and their partners the same level of dedication that they give their teams at work.
“When I was a single parent running a business, a lot of wives would air their frustrations to me about their husbands not being present,” she says. “I get the responsibilities that come with being a business leader, but my advice to working partners is to be fully present at home too because you wouldn’t be able to do your job without someone running the family. Sometimes I have to remind John to put the phone down and be present.”
Which works best?
While there is no one formula that works for these couples, whose working lives and personal lives are intertwined, it appears that by playing the others’ strengths, openly communicating and respecting their individual needs and aspirations, they are able to optimize their time and energy to find fulfillment at home and at work.
Even if careers are independent, a form of convergence and interdependence emerges, with some couples like Henry and Phuong creating companies jointly later in their careers. “With Phoenix Holdings, a family investment office and operational holdings company, we are both actively involved,” says Henry “Starting a business together was not the original plan, and we were both hesitant at first. But as long as you have candid conversations on roles and responsibilities, it can work and be fun to explore new opportunities or projects side by side. It helps significantly to be grounded in very similar human and family values.”
Flexibility is key. As André says, “I think marriage is a marathon. There are times when we had very small kids and Karin had to give more time to children. Then work took second place. Other times, I had to step in while she was traveling. Now, 30 years later, we have all the time and are exploring new opportunities. You need to take the long view and prioritize what needs to be prioritized in each life phase.”
